Wild West

Michelle: I don’t get this movie, or what it’s even gonna be about.

Jonah: Everyone really liked MIB, so they put the two people (Smith & Sonnenfeld) together again.

Jonah: I’m gonna stop this now cause you have to be awake for more than ten minutes for us to review the movie.

Michelle: It’s so outta control bad. 

(The Next Day)

Michelle: I so don’t even want to watch this at all.

Jonah: C’mon, it’s bad, but it’s entertaining. 

Michelle: It doesn’t make sense, they have vehicles running on fuel but they’re all riding around on horses.

Jonah: This is pure genius is what this is.

Michelle: Salma Hayek has a really nice ass.

Jonah: Yessss. She's a breath of fresh ass.

Michelle: What is this? Transformers? 

Jonah: Crossed with Inspector Gadget... Go go gadget train with legs. 

Michelle: This makes no sense! None of it makes sense.

Jonah: It’s entertaining though right?

Michelle: No. Well sort of. Zzzzzzzz.

(Day Three)

Jonah: Turn it to channel 3. (We’re actually watching this on something called a VCR) 

Michelle: No, don’t wanna! This is so stupid.

Will Smith: That’s it. No more Mr. Knife Guy.

Jonah: I think that’s the worst president of the US in a movie ever.

Will Smith: Now that’s a whoopin.

Michelle: Exactly how I’m feeling, Will Smith. 

Adrianne: It’s totally insane this movie got made.

Jonah: Yeah.

Michelle: It really sucks, not even “good” sucks. 

Adrianne: Except for the song.

Loose Screws

Jonah: Are you guys excited to watch the kookiest college movie of all time? Are you?!

Adrianne/Michelle: (silence)

Jonah: Check it out, yeah, Beaver High.

Adrianne: This is gonna be good.

Jonah: It’s great!

Michelle: Ah, your rule of tits in the first five minutes. 

Michelle: Van de Kolk!

Jonah: I love this movie! This is the pinnacle of kooky college movies except for maybe King Frat. 

Michelle: Hahahahahahaha.

Adrianne: Hahahahahaha.

Jonah: Hahahahahahaha.

Michelle: There’s so much boob!

Adrianne: It’s awesome. I don’t think I have any comments. Other than it’s making me a bit horny. That’s all.

Jonah: Oh yeah, beach dance scene!! Could you imagine?? Synchronized beach dancing!

Movie: Skinny dipping in the moonlight?

Movie: (sexily) Aaaalright, let’s go!

Michelle/Adrianne/Jonah: Hahahahahahahahahahaha.

Michelle: Seriously, it’s like totally turning me on.

Adrianne: It’s like the hottest movie ever.

Jonah: This movie’s all like “let’s go synchronized dance singing, let’s go party”.

Jonah: Someone should check the time boobs are on screen, percentage-wise. It might be one of the highest ratios outside porn. I’m just saying is all. Sorry, make that tits & ass.

Michelle: Amazing. I give it two tits up.

Over The Top

Adrianne: They should just call it Arm Wrestling: The Movie.

Michelle: I didn’t know this was gonna be sad. I can’t believe that made me tear.

Mini Sly: I can’t go with you!

Stallone: I understand.

Michelle: Was this an after-school special or something?

Adrianne: I can’t believe people used to pay ten dollars to see this crap. But I guess it cost less then.

Jonah: Way less.

Jonah & Michelle: SOLOFLEX!

Grizzly Wrestler: When I come up to the table, I don’t care who they are, they’re my ENEMY.

Michelle: There’s a lot of strategy involved.

Movie: Winner takes it all!

Michelle: zzzzzzzzzzzz.

Pootie Tang

Michelle: Ha, this is actually gonna be good.

Michelle: Ah, written and directed by Louis C.K. Didn’t know that.

Movie: Pootie Tang always be too cool for words.

Jonah: What more would you want out of a movie? And only a half hour has passed.

Michelle: I know!

Jonah: Hahahahahaha.

Michelle: Hahahahahaha.

Jonah: Wanda Sykes is Wad-a-tah.

Michelle: Hahahahahahaha.

Jonah: Hahahahahahaha.

Jonah: So what’d you think?

Michelle: Solid. Like watching Grandma’s Boy.

Jonah: Sa-da-tay.

Boa vs. Python

Michelle: We’re watching THIS?!

Michelle: She gets naked?!

Jonah: If you see boobies within the first five minutes, you’re golden.

Michelle: Why do you own this?!

Jonah: There’s only 55 minutes left.

Michelle: It’s SOOOO bad.

Jonah: Yip, it’s amazing.

Movie: Ready to kick some ass. Outstanding!

Jonah: Ready to kick some ass. Outstanding! This whole movie is outstanding.

Jonah: It has all the classic elements. Boobies, fighting, and other things.

Michelle: It’s really a very, very bad movie.

Jonah: Yeah, but they don’t take themselves too seriously so it kiiinda gives them permission.

Michelle: It’s really really bad.

 

Total Recall

Jonah: Sharon Stone babe, Sharon Stone.

Jonah: Phil up your Dick.

Michelle: Haha. And Drew Vajina.

Movie: For the memory of a lifetime, recall, recall, recall.

Jonah: I own this movie pretty much because of three boobs.

Michelle and Jonah: zzzzzzzzzzzz

Jonah:  We made it like an hour and ten minutes babe. Not bad.

Michelle: That’s a hot little midget.

Michelle: I’m really glad I missed seeing this years ago. It’s really good.

Jonah: It’s actually not worth reviewing in a sense, because it’s actually a great movie. 

Michelle: Ah, that’s a GREAT movie! A GREAT ending!

Shaft in Africa

Jonah: Shaft!

Jonah: Why is she blowing his knees?

Jonah: So good!

Michelle: Oh my god am I gonna get to see full frontal?!

Shaft: Baby, by now it's shrunk down to 20 inches.

Jonah: This isn't as bad as I remember it.

Shaft: No ride camel. Ride ass.

Jonah: That's awesome! Michelle?

(cue credits)

Michelle: Wha, oh, is it over?

Jonah: Uhu. Go to bed.

Ernest Goes to Jail

Michelle: This is ridiculous.

Jonah: Yep, it’s awesome

Jonah: This is the best movie ever.

Jonah: This movie is perfect in every way.

Jonah: This is the best movie ever.

Ernest: I came. I saw. I got blow’d up.

Michelle: You know what’s good about this movie. It’s short. It’s like an hour and ten minutes.

Jonah: Just the way a comedy should be.